Jane. Enough Said.

So, there was a major shoulder surgery. There were many weeks of recovery as well as a nice haze of pain pills. Through the haze I noticed that my youngest child had suddenly turned into a little creature I did not recognize. But through the misery that was my recovery, it was hard to pay too much attention to it. Then, as the haze of pain pills faded and I entered back into life, I discovered what I had suspected...MY BABY HAS AN OPINION AND IT NEVER COINCIDES WITH MINE!!!!

Help me. I beg of you.

Now this is not my first time around on this motherhood thing. I've done this twice before. Once, with THE most opinionated and hard headed child in existence. Well, at least until Jane took his spot. Whoops...did I give away who I was talking about?? I thought nothing could possible compare with Jay. Right. Well, I'm throwing in the towel and admitting defeat. I AM IN FOR IT WITH THIS ONE!!!

She is a climber. She reminds me a bit of a cat. You know how they always like to be at the highest point in the room? So they can stare down and survey their kingdom? Jane is much like that. I have a mattress in front of my stairs because I finally got sick of pulling her off them every 3.5 seconds. A mattress. IN. FRONT. OF. MY. STAIRS. Very nice. Oh, and the trash can? Big piece of duck tape on that. Except that she has learned to pull off the duck tape. SO SHE CAN EAT THE TRASH. She worked for a good thirty minutes the other day to get that stupid duck tape off, then she found a piece of moldy bread. I had to pry it from her tiny, baby death grip as she screamed as if I were torturing her. Clearly, I was.

Speaking of eating, she DOESN'T. Unless it is a healthy portion of dog food, that I also have to pry out of said death grip. But put REAL food in front of her and she will look at you and SHAKE HER HEAD NO. Then she feeds it to the dog just to show me she's serious.

I have to put training pants over her diaper if there is the remote possibility that she can remove her diaper. I have walked into her bedroom twice to find no diaper and poop EVERYWHERE. Another instance where duck tape would come in handy, except that I'm afraid that someone might call the authorities on me.

And on that note of duck tape coming in handy, there is no longer a safe place that I can put this baby. I had her in her high chair, eating (or not) breakfast the other day as I got things ready to go to our playgroup. I turned around and she was SITTING ON THE HIGH CHAIR TRAY. I caught her as she fell backwards. She gave me a small heart attack. So I held her tightly, thanked God for the freebie, promised that I would learn a lesson from it and then got on the internet to order a new high chair in which she could not extract her person. For now anyway. But then, as my back is turned again for three second, I realize that I have forgotten to put up the dog food. I run into the kitchen and sure enough, she is eating it. BECAUSE DOG FOOD FOR BREAKFAST IS BETTER THAN PANCAKES. THAT'S WHY. I pry the dog food out of her hands, put both the dog food and water out of her reach, turn around again and she is STANDING on the rocking chair in the hearth room. I pull her off of that, put the cushions back on the chair, go to find her again and she is pulling the dirt out of my houseplants. At this point, I decided that if we WANTED to go to playgroup (please, please, please, Mommy needs to talk to an adult today!!) that I was going to have to resort to drastic measures. Having used up all the duck tape on the TRASH CAN, I strapped her in her carseat. In the car. I hummed to myself and got things ready as she screamed. Totally worth it.

Why does my baby want to kill me?? No, really. Why?

And just in case you've forgotten, Christmas is right around the corner. You know, with Christmas TREES. And shiny balls and lights? And presents wrapped in PAPER? With BOWS? The possibilities of destruction are just ENDLESS.

Jane says, "Happy Thanksgiving! Do you need me to clean out any of your cabinets? I'm very good at it."

On Sending Your Second Child to Kindergarten...

SCENE I: The den, the night before school starts. Children are in bed and parents have settled in for a relaxing evening.

ME: Wow. I can't believe I'm not sad about sending Annie to kindergarten. With Jay I was so emotional. This time, I'm just excited for her because I know she's going to love it so much!

JAMIE: I'm glad you're so rational about this.

SCENE II: After having dropped a happy Annie off in her classroom of thirty children on the first day of school, the mother heads to the library for a "Parent Tea" where she will discuss the addition of a new kindergarten teacher who will be added in two weeks to help cut down on classroom size.

ME: Wow. It's a good thing that this didn't happen when I sent Jay to kindergarten. It's exactly the thing that would have sent me over the edge. I was already so nervous. This time I'm so calm and I know it will all work out with the new teacher. I'm not worried about it at all!

FRIENDS: We're glad you're so rational about this.

SCENE III: The cafeteria on the first day of school, where the mother (who was turning in paperwork to the office) sneaks in to have a look at Annie only to discover she is BAWLING.

ME: MUH BAYBEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!

THE END

So I didn't stay rational. Annie had a hard adjustment to kindergarten. The cafeteria was a scary place, her class size was crazy, she missed her preschool friends, and when the new teacher was hired her "VERY BEST FRIEND" (who she had known for a total of a week) got moved into the new class. There were tears. Some of them were mine. I worked lunch duty every day for three weeks straight to help with her adjustment. Somehow, just seeing me for a little portion of the day helped her so much. We made a "cry chart" (for Annie, not me...) that we filled with princess stickers and the promise of ice cream when it was filled. Amazingly, at the end of the cry chart, Annie had adjusted and now loves her new school. She loves her teacher and feels very comfortable and loved by her. The cry chart is history and I'm back to working lunch duty once a week, which is much more manageable. We talked a lot, a lot, a lot and I think it helped. So much of her reminds me of myself. She is sensitive, worries about things that she shouldn't even be thinking of, and takes to heart what other say. But she's stronger and more daring than I ever was or am now. That will serve her well in the future. I'm so impressed by her.

Happy Kindergarten days Annie. I love you and am SO proud of all your accomplishments!

Catching My Breath...

It's been so long since I've blogged. So long, in fact, that I couldn't remember how to sign in to my account. I tried log in name, after log in name....password, after password. Tried having my password emailed to me, but since I couldn't remember my log in name, it wouldn't send. Frustration mounted and I considered just chunking the whole thing and starting over. I went back to the home page in a last ditch effort, muttering to myself the whole time. Then I noticed...log in with your EMAIL ADDRESS. Clearly, I am not only sleep deprived, but also very unobservant. Gah. So here I am.

It's been more than a month since I last updated, and obviously, much has happened. The big kids have started back to school, Annie has had her first day of kindergarten AND turned six all in the same week, I managed NOT to have a breakdown as I realized "My baybeeeeee is growing up!!", I pulled lunch duty for three weeks straight, Jane started walking full time, Jamie had a birthday, Annie started back with her soccer team and ballet, Jay started piano and flag football, and I got scheduled for major shoulder surgery in October. With all that going on, and very little blogging happening, I realized that if I don't keep up with it, life is going to continue on and I'll never get it all written down. So here's to catching up and catching my breath.

Does this Minivan make Me Look like a Mom?

With the arrival of Jane Clare, we discovered we needed many things. This is because (as I have discussed in a previous entry) Jamie and I are not smart and you cannot make us be. We got rid of ALL our baby stuff before we were SURE we were done having children. This purging of baby items included my MINIVAN. A Ford Windstar that died shortly after we moved to Tulsa. We thought briefly of replacing it with another van, BUT...I WANT SOMETHING SMALLER!! I don't NEED room for a stroller anymore!! I want to DOWNSIZE! Code for: "I want to look like a Cool Mom." So we bought a Ford Freestyle. Oh yes...the epitome of "cool". Yes, you can wade through my sarcasm here, but it WAS smaller, felt less bulky and I was happy.

Then we had Jane. Wait...scratch that. The we had Jane and tried to travel. To Mississippi. At Christmas. With presents? And furniture. Hello? Nightmare. We have been riding three across the bench seat in the back. Two carseats and Jay in the middle. We couldn't put up the third row seat because I now have the stroller that I said I would no longer need, as well as soccer balls, soccer chairs, room for groceries, etc. Stop. Did I just qualify myself as a soccer mom? Shoot me, please.

Right. So no room in the car. Poor Jay is squished. And it was quickly becoming obvious that I needed a new vehicle. Perhaps a roomy SUV!! Yay! That's cool! Yes! An SUV with leather and a DVD player! And one of those power rear doors so that I don't have to lift anything! And a power folding third row seat! Yes! THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I WANT. Somehow Jamie did not see things in quite the same light. He brought me down to reality quite quickly. Did you know that reality is called "a price tag?"

So we went car shopping. Jamie drove me to the Honda place just to "look" at the Odyssey. I moaned the whole way about how I didn't NEED options in an SUV. Maybe I could just get a base model? "Just LOOK at the Odyssey before you decide on an SUV." So fine. I resigned myself to LOOK. And HATE. So THERE. I opened the door of the Odyssey and the light dawned on me. Minivans may not look that cool on the outside, but they scream "COOL!!!" on the inside. I fell in love immediately and told Jamie that we could keep looking but no SUV was going to compare to that Odyssey.

After doing some research, we did end up buying the very Odyssey at which I looked. I still cringe when I have to say that word "minivan", but I have found if I just replace it with the word "Odyssey" it works better. You know..."I've got to get the Odyssey detailed." "I'm taking the Odyssey to the Aerosmith concert." "I've got the sunroof open and I'm rocking out to Modest Mouse in the Odyssey." Totally cool. Right?

I took the kids to Walmart in the Odyssey today. Upon getting home from Walmart I noticed something on my shorts. Poop. On my shorts? That I was wearing? The ones that I wore out in public with people I KNOW? Gah. And I thought the minivan made me look uncool??

One Year

Today is Jane's first birthday.  Today she is walking around the house, arms raised over her head in her "Papa Tango" style.  Today she is playing her her new toys, chasing after the cats, and playing with Jay and Annie.  Today she learned to "pat" me.  I picked her up for her morning nap, "Can you give Mama a pat?" I asked.  She reached her little baby arm around my shoulder and patted my back.  It's funny, those little movements that take us totally by surprise.  Sure, I provide her every need and want, and she depends on me for everything, but it was that little movement that said, "Hey!  I really LIKE you Mama!" I wanted to shout, "You LIKE me!!  You really LIKE me!"  All Sally Fields and stuff.

It's amazing how far a year has brought us.  I could bore you with tales of how hard her pregnancy was, how worried we were that I would miscarry, the preterm labor, the preeclampsia.  THE 25 WEEKS OF BEDREST.  But I will say that Jane's healthy arrival, 5 weeks early, was such a triumph that it erased all those things. I could get all sappy here, but I won't.  Instead, I will leave you with this video of messy baby eating her birthday cupcake while her mother sings out of tune and the big kids make a lot of noise.  Happy Birthday sweet girl!  I'm so excited to get to know the person you are becoming!

And the Thunder Rolls...

So, we had some pretty good thunderstorms roll through at about midnight last night.  When I was a kid I used to love thunderstorms.  The sound of the rain was relaxing, and combined with the crashes of thunder and flashes of lightening provided just a hint of danger that I always loved.  I'd lie in the bed, listening and snuggle down under my covers, knowing that I was safe in my bed while the danger of the elements roared outside.  Nothing made me appreciate the security of my bed more than a good thunderstorm.

My children though?  Not so much.  Now when those thunderstorms roll through, I am instantly awake, no matter how small the thunder, awaiting the sound of small feet on the stairs.  I doze fitfully, in a semi-conscious state, knowing that at any moment the sound of "Mama!!" will interrupt any sleep that I manage to get.  And so it was last night.

I heard the thunder start up and pretty soon after that, the children came downstairs.  They were doing that half run, half walk...where your terrified, but you don't want anyone to KNOW you're terrified.  And where do they head first?  MY SIDE OF THE BED.  Now, let me just mention here that Jamie sleeps on the side of the bed closest to the door.  As in, as soon as you walk into our room, you would see his sleeping form.  But do the children EVER go to his side of the bed?  No.  They bypass him and head straight to me. 

This pattern is not just for thunderstorms, but also for any night wakings.  Thunderstorms, nightmares....and THROWING UP.  They will walk straight pass Jamie, AND THE BATHROOM, I might add, in order to stand in front of me.  I can't count the number of times I had to take my comforter in to be dry cleaned because someone ran straight to my side as if his sleeping, human form was NOT EVEN THERE, in order to say, "I've got to throw up!"  GO TO THE BATHROOM!!  I always yell.  And yet, they do not.  They come get me.  As if the sounds of retching would not jerk me out of ANY deep sleep I might be in.  I PROMISE...I will hear you!  I would just appreciate not having to get the carpet cleaner out JUST ONE TIME!  We actually run throw up drills at my house.  Yes, that's us.  Let's discuss our escape plan if ever we were to have a fire or some other tragedy...oh...and what do you do if you need to throw up??  They will say, "Run to the bathroom and call out for you!"  But what they really mean is, "Run PAST the bathroom, to your side of the bed so that we may throw up on the carpet and all over your Pottery Barn bedding!" 

Boy...THAT train just totally left the track it was on, didn't it?

So, anyway, back to the thunderstorms last night.  The children came in and I got them all settled in on pallets in our room.  I climbed back in bed, listened to the thunder crash and the lightening flash and enjoyed the security and warmth of my bed.  I snuggled down, this time knowing that it was not just me that was safe and secure, but all my little chicks too.  

Excuses....

I can't blog today because....

1.  It is so hot my fingers have swollen to a width that renders me incapable of using a keyboard.

2.  Michael Jackson died (did you hear about that???) and I'm overcome with grief.

3.  My children have taken over the house and will not grant me access to my computer.

4.  The barking dog is distracting me from deep and analytical prose.

5.  Uh...did I mention Michael Jackson?

In reality though, we've been gone and then here but occupied, and then gone and then here but occupied.  Now we are home again, but I have so much to write about that it will take me a while to get my thoughts organized.  And right now the children are beckoning me to swim.  Right now the pool water looks crystal blue and refreshing on this 100 degree day.  Right now Jay is singing at the top of his lungs to his i-pod.  Right now Annie is running around in her bathing suit and my sunglasses and flip flops.  Right now Jane is napping so it's a good time to swim.  Right now I can look at my calendar and see all that is looming in just a few weeks.  Right now I'm going to go enjoy my summer.