Does this Minivan make Me Look like a Mom?

With the arrival of Jane Clare, we discovered we needed many things. This is because (as I have discussed in a previous entry) Jamie and I are not smart and you cannot make us be. We got rid of ALL our baby stuff before we were SURE we were done having children. This purging of baby items included my MINIVAN. A Ford Windstar that died shortly after we moved to Tulsa. We thought briefly of replacing it with another van, BUT...I WANT SOMETHING SMALLER!! I don't NEED room for a stroller anymore!! I want to DOWNSIZE! Code for: "I want to look like a Cool Mom." So we bought a Ford Freestyle. Oh yes...the epitome of "cool". Yes, you can wade through my sarcasm here, but it WAS smaller, felt less bulky and I was happy.

Then we had Jane. Wait...scratch that. The we had Jane and tried to travel. To Mississippi. At Christmas. With presents? And furniture. Hello? Nightmare. We have been riding three across the bench seat in the back. Two carseats and Jay in the middle. We couldn't put up the third row seat because I now have the stroller that I said I would no longer need, as well as soccer balls, soccer chairs, room for groceries, etc. Stop. Did I just qualify myself as a soccer mom? Shoot me, please.

Right. So no room in the car. Poor Jay is squished. And it was quickly becoming obvious that I needed a new vehicle. Perhaps a roomy SUV!! Yay! That's cool! Yes! An SUV with leather and a DVD player! And one of those power rear doors so that I don't have to lift anything! And a power folding third row seat! Yes! THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I WANT. Somehow Jamie did not see things in quite the same light. He brought me down to reality quite quickly. Did you know that reality is called "a price tag?"

So we went car shopping. Jamie drove me to the Honda place just to "look" at the Odyssey. I moaned the whole way about how I didn't NEED options in an SUV. Maybe I could just get a base model? "Just LOOK at the Odyssey before you decide on an SUV." So fine. I resigned myself to LOOK. And HATE. So THERE. I opened the door of the Odyssey and the light dawned on me. Minivans may not look that cool on the outside, but they scream "COOL!!!" on the inside. I fell in love immediately and told Jamie that we could keep looking but no SUV was going to compare to that Odyssey.

After doing some research, we did end up buying the very Odyssey at which I looked. I still cringe when I have to say that word "minivan", but I have found if I just replace it with the word "Odyssey" it works better. You know..."I've got to get the Odyssey detailed." "I'm taking the Odyssey to the Aerosmith concert." "I've got the sunroof open and I'm rocking out to Modest Mouse in the Odyssey." Totally cool. Right?

I took the kids to Walmart in the Odyssey today. Upon getting home from Walmart I noticed something on my shorts. Poop. On my shorts? That I was wearing? The ones that I wore out in public with people I KNOW? Gah. And I thought the minivan made me look uncool??

One Year

Today is Jane's first birthday.  Today she is walking around the house, arms raised over her head in her "Papa Tango" style.  Today she is playing her her new toys, chasing after the cats, and playing with Jay and Annie.  Today she learned to "pat" me.  I picked her up for her morning nap, "Can you give Mama a pat?" I asked.  She reached her little baby arm around my shoulder and patted my back.  It's funny, those little movements that take us totally by surprise.  Sure, I provide her every need and want, and she depends on me for everything, but it was that little movement that said, "Hey!  I really LIKE you Mama!" I wanted to shout, "You LIKE me!!  You really LIKE me!"  All Sally Fields and stuff.

It's amazing how far a year has brought us.  I could bore you with tales of how hard her pregnancy was, how worried we were that I would miscarry, the preterm labor, the preeclampsia.  THE 25 WEEKS OF BEDREST.  But I will say that Jane's healthy arrival, 5 weeks early, was such a triumph that it erased all those things. I could get all sappy here, but I won't.  Instead, I will leave you with this video of messy baby eating her birthday cupcake while her mother sings out of tune and the big kids make a lot of noise.  Happy Birthday sweet girl!  I'm so excited to get to know the person you are becoming!

And the Thunder Rolls...

So, we had some pretty good thunderstorms roll through at about midnight last night.  When I was a kid I used to love thunderstorms.  The sound of the rain was relaxing, and combined with the crashes of thunder and flashes of lightening provided just a hint of danger that I always loved.  I'd lie in the bed, listening and snuggle down under my covers, knowing that I was safe in my bed while the danger of the elements roared outside.  Nothing made me appreciate the security of my bed more than a good thunderstorm.

My children though?  Not so much.  Now when those thunderstorms roll through, I am instantly awake, no matter how small the thunder, awaiting the sound of small feet on the stairs.  I doze fitfully, in a semi-conscious state, knowing that at any moment the sound of "Mama!!" will interrupt any sleep that I manage to get.  And so it was last night.

I heard the thunder start up and pretty soon after that, the children came downstairs.  They were doing that half run, half walk...where your terrified, but you don't want anyone to KNOW you're terrified.  And where do they head first?  MY SIDE OF THE BED.  Now, let me just mention here that Jamie sleeps on the side of the bed closest to the door.  As in, as soon as you walk into our room, you would see his sleeping form.  But do the children EVER go to his side of the bed?  No.  They bypass him and head straight to me. 

This pattern is not just for thunderstorms, but also for any night wakings.  Thunderstorms, nightmares....and THROWING UP.  They will walk straight pass Jamie, AND THE BATHROOM, I might add, in order to stand in front of me.  I can't count the number of times I had to take my comforter in to be dry cleaned because someone ran straight to my side as if his sleeping, human form was NOT EVEN THERE, in order to say, "I've got to throw up!"  GO TO THE BATHROOM!!  I always yell.  And yet, they do not.  They come get me.  As if the sounds of retching would not jerk me out of ANY deep sleep I might be in.  I PROMISE...I will hear you!  I would just appreciate not having to get the carpet cleaner out JUST ONE TIME!  We actually run throw up drills at my house.  Yes, that's us.  Let's discuss our escape plan if ever we were to have a fire or some other tragedy...oh...and what do you do if you need to throw up??  They will say, "Run to the bathroom and call out for you!"  But what they really mean is, "Run PAST the bathroom, to your side of the bed so that we may throw up on the carpet and all over your Pottery Barn bedding!" 

Boy...THAT train just totally left the track it was on, didn't it?

So, anyway, back to the thunderstorms last night.  The children came in and I got them all settled in on pallets in our room.  I climbed back in bed, listened to the thunder crash and the lightening flash and enjoyed the security and warmth of my bed.  I snuggled down, this time knowing that it was not just me that was safe and secure, but all my little chicks too.  

Excuses....

I can't blog today because....

1.  It is so hot my fingers have swollen to a width that renders me incapable of using a keyboard.

2.  Michael Jackson died (did you hear about that???) and I'm overcome with grief.

3.  My children have taken over the house and will not grant me access to my computer.

4.  The barking dog is distracting me from deep and analytical prose.

5.  Uh...did I mention Michael Jackson?

In reality though, we've been gone and then here but occupied, and then gone and then here but occupied.  Now we are home again, but I have so much to write about that it will take me a while to get my thoughts organized.  And right now the children are beckoning me to swim.  Right now the pool water looks crystal blue and refreshing on this 100 degree day.  Right now Jay is singing at the top of his lungs to his i-pod.  Right now Annie is running around in her bathing suit and my sunglasses and flip flops.  Right now Jane is napping so it's a good time to swim.  Right now I can look at my calendar and see all that is looming in just a few weeks.  Right now I'm going to go enjoy my summer.

Competing with Pig Pen....

So last week was Jay's Cub Scout Day Camp.  I am STILL finding dirt in places that dirt should not BE.  Jamie and I spent the week out at Camp Russell, helping out as walking leaders.  Jamie took a whole week of vacation in order to help out.  When he first told me he was doing this, I was all for it, but the closer it came to time, I started dreading it.  I mean really, what family spends a week helping out at Day Camp and counts that as a family vacation?  What about the beach?  A trip to Branson?  Or just spending the week at home and sitting by the pool?  The more I thought about it, the more I regretted that he had wasted a whole week of vacation and not only would we not be able to go anywhere, but we had to get a babysitter to watch Jane for the week.  And WAHHHHH...we had to get up early EVERY DAY.

I love it when I'm wrong.  Okay, really, that's not true (mostly because I'm NEVER WRONG...), but in THIS instance I love that I was wrong.  We had a fantastic time.  Jane was well cared for all week long and had a great time with our babysitter, who she knows and loves.  Jay, Annie, Jamie and I headed off every morning at 8:15, loaded down with sunscreen, bug spray, lunches, camera, and hats.  Annie had a great time doing arts and crafts in the children's program there, and even got to participate in the cooler activities like the zipline, marshmallow gun making and astroid shooter making (space camp theme...).  And Jay was in hog heaven with all of his friends (we had 15 boys in our group).  So THAT meant that Jamie and I got to spend the whole week actually talking to each other and managing to complete sentences without being interrupted by little people every 3.2 seconds.  Huh...that NEVER happens!  And while we were walking leaders (meaning that we actually had to CONTROL 15 boys), we had very few discipline problems.  The boys were a joy to be around and Jamie and I had a great time declaring "war" on each other with our spray bottles and marshmallow guns and having the boys pick a side.  They thought we were COOL!  And the moment I overheard Jay tell another boy who was not in our pack, "That's MY mom!"  I knew it was all worth it.  I won't get many more moments like that with him.  Especially because I TOTALLY intend to take him to school one day in my pajamas and robe and my hair in rollers.  You know, just to mess with his MIND.

And we came home FILTHY.  Filthy like you cannot even imagine filthy being.  After sweating all day (98 degrees most days were were out there), and being one with the bugs and dirt, plus my dramatic "falls" every time one of the boys shot me with their marshmallow gun, we all had a nice layer of mud on us by the time we ventured home.  We'd walk up the long hill and trek to our car.  The car that had been sitting in the sun for the past 8 hours and was approximately 4,000 degrees when we opened the door and the heat slammed us in the face. So then we'd get in, blast the air and by the time we got home, the seats would be filled with small mud puddles as the sweat on the backs of our legs combined with the dirt on our bodies.  Nice visual, no? Never been so happy to have leather seats.  

But getting home and jumping in the pool was an instantaneous relief.  And after swimming for a while, we would all be so tired that all we wanted was dinner and bed.  It was that good kind of tired where you are completely exhausted and know you will sleep like the dead.  And we did.  By Friday night, Jamie and I were asleep in our respective chairs by 8:30 pm.  Somehow the kids movie, "Mr. Troop Mom" was not entertaining enough to keep us awake.  Can't imagine how.  

So in the end, despite my reservations, it was a fantastic week.  A good week to end on since Jay won't be able to go next year since he'll be too old (sob!!).  But it's always better to leave wishing for more than to be glad it's all over with.  

A Blueberry Pancake Haiku

Blueberry pancakes:

A good theory, but big mess.

Blue stains everything.

In Celebration of Road Trips Everywhere...

So it's summer!  And of course, that means travel time.  The kids and I just got back from a trip to Mississippi where we surprised my mother for her 21st birthday.  It was a fantastic trip, only made better by the hour and a half that Jane spent SCREAMING on the way there.  We were in Arkansas.  Arkansas is longer than I thought it was.  Maybe it was the screaming??  The older children and I had just about had enough of it.  Our nerves were SHOT.  Even Jay, who has the patience of Job with this baby, pleaded with her, "Jane....puleeeeez stop screaming.  I'm going to lose my mind!!!!"  At which point, Jane turned the volume up to "torture everyone" and Annie said, "Way to GO Jay...now she's even LOUDER." About that time we passed by this HUGE billboard on the side of the interstate.  It said, "USE THE ROD....SAVE YOUR CHILDREN'S LIVES!"  My second thought (the first being, "Wha.....????") was "Where's the rod?  I want MY stinking rod!!" They should maybe give those out at rest stops.  

All in all though, the drive went well.  Except for the part where Jane had a blow out diaper and McDonalds had no changing table.  And I couldn't figure out how to use the bathroom myself, what with having to HOLD THE BABY and all.  But, I am industrious and I figured it all out.  I pulled a high chair into the bathroom with Jane in it (after changing her clothes in the back seat of the car).  I got a lot of strange looks and laughs, but one mother stopped to tell me what a good idea that was and that she would be using it when SHE traveled.  SO THERE.  I think after eight years of traveling with small children by myself, I could probably write a book on hints and tricks.  

All jokes aside though, it was a wonderful time with Mama and Daddy.  I wouldn't have traded my time with them for anything.  Well worth an eight hour drive.  And I plan to do it again in a few weeks!! And so, in celebration of road trips everywhere, I thought I would copy this letter that I wrote to my father when he was in Iraq.  My mother and I had taken the kids to my grandparents to visit.  Annie was three and Jay was five.  It was a....memorable...ride home. The title of the email was "Guts".  Intriguing...no? 

"Dear Daddy,

Did you miss me?  I thought you might enjoy a rendition of our trip home today.  It is possible that you have already heard part of this, but I thought you might enjoy my take on the day's events...

So, we left Belzoni at 9:45 this morning after loading the car in the POURING rain.  Seriously.  Pouring.  The only time it let up was when I came inside to kiss Mimi and Papa goodbye and change my soaking wet clothes into something dry.  Of course as soon as it was time to walk out the door and get the kids in carseats, it started up again.  What FUN.  Anyway, we were about an hour into our trip when Jay nonchalantly says, "There's a fly in this car." Which apparently in Annie's mind meant, "There's a serial killer with a machete in this car."  She started SCREAMING AND SCREAMING AND SCREAMING.  I mean, she was HYSTERICAL.  You would have thought she was being attacked with the way she was carrying on.  And there was no telling her that flies don't hurt you....oh NO...in her mind they are obviously buzzing little baby eaters or something.  We opened the windows (still raining I might add....) so the fly would fly out.  It did not.  However, I have become quite adept at the art of lying, and so I LIED and told her the fly had gone out the window.  But she is a smart cookie and while she did calm down she insisted that Nana hold her hand.  "Nana...HOLD MY HAND!!!!!" Over and over again.  So, Nana holds Annie's hand until HER hand falls asleep, at which point she PRIES her hand out of Annie's and turns back around in her seat.  Annie does not like this, but we are dealing with it UNTIL Jay says, very quietly, "Mama, there's the fly again." Which translates to, "Mama, there's a large prehistoric insect getting ready to eat us back here..."  Annie starts screaming again.  By now I am on a two lane road that I did not want to get off of for fear of getting behind a big truck that I had passed a ways back.  I was on this road for 22 miles.  and for 22 miles Annie was hysterical.  I tried yelling, pinching, being funny, distraction, EVERYTHING.  What finally worked was Nana trapping the fly and smearing the fly guts all over my window while she killed with with the atlas.  But that's good though because it was EVIDENCE that the fly was dead, which Annie appreciated.  

Speaking of guts though it was not much later that we were driving down the interstate and I noticed a BIG black bird in the median.  Of course, it did what all birds in the median do.  It flew directly AT my car.  The problem was though, that this particular bird was having a nice snack of some dead animal and decided that take out was the way to go here.  So, it had some of whatever dead animal it was eating in its claws when it took off.  Apparently the bird misjudged the weight of his snack though and could not get enough lift to avoid my car, so at JUST the right moment it dropped the load RIGHT onto my windshield.  I have no idea what it was...just a big, wet, orange splatter.  Jay REALLY got a kick out of this one.  Thankfully it rained ALL the way home so I didn't have to look at smeared guts for long...at least the guts on my windsheild"

So there you have it!  Happy travels everyone!!