The Spring Break that Wasn't

So if you look at this in terms of comparisons, that title is kind of like saying, "The Little Engine Who Couldn't". Huh...only THAT would change the whole outcome of the story! Which I guess is entirely appropriate, since that's exactly what happened to us! I love me some comparisons!

So, the Wednesday before Spring Break Jamie and I went to our weekly Bible Study. At the end, as we were taking prayer requests, I asked that everyone pray for my sanity as I was taking all three kids to Mississippi for a week by myself. As in, without Jamie. Oh, and also? I had broken my leg the week before. Not a bad break, mind you, but enough of a break to cause searing pain when stepping without the crutches that I was instructed to use but couldn't because how do you use crutches and take care of a baby? Four arms. That's how. And since I don't HAVE four arms, crutches just weren't going to happen.

Anyway, so I make this prayer request and afterwards everyone is asking how far the drive is, and how I handle that by myself. I'm feeling pretty smug because I have done this drive numerous times and I am quite used to doing this trip without Jamie. I'm all, "It's tough but SOMEBODY'S got to do it...". And all the while, what I'm really thinking is, "Piece of cake. Can't wait to tell them how great it went. I am SUCH a rockstar!!"

Note to self...smug attitudes, ESPECIALLY in church, will really come back to bite you.

So, Friday morning comes and we make it out of the house by about 8:20 or so. We had a few bumps getting the car loaded, but everything worked out and pretty soon we are on our way. Jane is eating and napping, big kids are watching a movie and I am jamming to my ipod. Now, let me mention, that I have this trip down to a fine art by now. We stop in Brinkley, Arkansas for lunch and gas. Not before. Never before. We HAVE to pass the sign that says, in BIG BOLD LETTERS, "SPARING THE ROD WILL SPOIL YOUR CHILD!!!!" before I can stop. I don't know, something about seeing a sign about beating my children really gets my vacation off to a good start. I am, of course, kidding. Do not call DHS on me.

So, we finally arrive in Brinkley and stop at McDonald's. This is when Annie tells me it hurts when she tee tees. And THIS is where Annie will begin to need years of therapy as she rereads what her mother wrote about her on the internet. But ANYWAY. And of course, this does not surprise me because LITERALLY someone has been on antibiotics in my house since JANUARY, and since Jane AND Jay had just finished up THEIR antibiotics that very morning, it only made SENSE that she would have a UTI. Tragedy averted though. We got a med called in for her and ready to pick up upon our arrival in Mississippi. No harm, no foul. And naive little me thought, "OKAY! There's our bump in the road for THIS trip." HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! That's not the sound of me laughing, it's the sound of FATE.

So, we arrive in Mississipi, at my parents house and all is well. There are hugs and kisses exchanged, Jane is glad to be out of the car. Everyone is happy. We pick up Annie's meds, have a glass of whine...uh wine...and spend a lovely night talking. I bathe Jane, who eats virtually no supper, and then put her to bed. She cried for three seconds and then was out like a light. And I promise you, I stood outside of her door and made the statement to my father who was standing with me, "I have the BEST babies! They have all traveled so well!" HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Yeah. That's fate again.

Jane wakes up at eight the next morning and she is screaming her head off. I don't think much of it, other than that she's hungry. Sure enough, she eats like a horse. We play all morning and then Nana and I take Jane shopping and Papa takes the big kids out to play and fish at the farm. A good time was had by all. Until...

Mama and I came back home to put Jane down for a nap. Such a short and sweet statement, that should be such a short and sweet task. But instead it turned into HOURS of drama. She screamed when I put her in the pack and play. I thought she would calm down, left her in there and closed the door. Ten minutes later I hear her BANGING on the door and screaming. I went to check, thinking that maybe a cat got caught in her room, but no. There is Jane, standing there, having crawled OUT of the pack and play. And here begins the battle of all battles. As soon as I put her in, she crawls back out. In, out, in, out, in, out. Round and round we go. We play this stupid game for a while. I lost count of hours. I just know she was hysterical and it was loud. And my leg hurt. Then, Mama and I get the idea to take her to my aunts house, where there is an actual crib. YES! THIS is the solution! She doesn't like the pack and play!! PROBLEM SOLVED!

And my mother would like me to point out here they they DID have a crib, but I told them I wasn't having anymore babies, so they got rid of it. I told them to take that up with Jamie.

We arrive at my aunts house, Jane is still screaming. We put her in the bed there and close the door. She crawls out again. Now, you may be asking WHY I didn't just rock the girl to sleep. Ahhhh....if only that were an option. My children are really good sleepers. They always have been. But they are really good sleepers who have never rocked. They like to be put in their beds and left alone to go to sleep. I did try rocking her, but she was having none of it. She turned into a hissing, spitting, head spinning around baby. So THEN, Mama and I decide that the crib just needs to be moved to HER house and THEN Jane will sleep. YES! THAT'S the problem!! So, my father comes, takes apart the crib, hauls it to their house, and reassembles it.

I'll give you one guess as to what happened next.

So, then I just completely gave up on this napping thing, hoping that MAYBE things would be better in two hours when she went to bed. Jane has now been screaming for somewhere around three hours now. I was in serious need of Advil. And perhaps a glass of wine.

Eventually she gets sort of happy, though we treated her much like a live grenade because at any moment she could blow up, unleashing a fury that sent us all stumbling backwards by several feet.

Again, so supper, and this time she is hysterical through bath time. It is at this point that my mother says, "I don't blame you if you do not want to continue this visit." Now, this visit was supposed to be three days with my parents, followed by three days with Jamie's parents, followed by two days with my grandmother. The thought of having to repeat this process with each house, alone, and with a broken leg was enough to make me rethink my plans. I started to seriously considering leaving.

I put Jane down for the night and we continued the in and out dance for around forty five minutes. Only this time she is absolutely exhausted, but WILL NOT STOP CLIMBING OUT OF THE CRIB. It is at this point that my father gave her a new nickname of "granite". Fitting. I finally had to spank her to get her to stay in the crib. Funny how that stupid road sign actually came into play. Eventually, she slept, though fitfully, until about midnight when she finally slept without waking. I, of course, couldn't sleep until I KNEW she was down. So, I didn't get to sleep until after one. I hated to just give up and go home knowing this would set a tone for the rest of our trips. I was determined to stay. I went to sleep, still debating, but thinking we could always pick up and leave later if things got too bad.

And then, at 5:30 in the morning, Jay threw up. And we left two hours later. The End.

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! That's fate again.