Monday, March 7, 2011

Mortifying Moments of Motherhood

Now THERE'S a good title. Kind of makes you feel little bit sorry for me? And maybe makes you want to read about what happened right? Probably because if you have kids, perhaps are related to a child, or even KNOW of a child, then you MIGHT have been in my shoes before. Or possibly you are going to DUCK AND COVER!!!!

I like to write about the funny things my kids do. And I REALLY like to write about the frustrating things my kids do because it helps me to make light of a situation and find the humor in it. Somehow, it's easier to take the moments that drive me crazy and turn them into something funny in my head. Making light of a situation is my coping skill, I guess. But today's story? It just plain embarrasses me. That's a little harder to write about, because I've got no funny to fall back on. But, I figured that if this is a blog about Motherhood, then it's best to explore ALL aspects. One cannot always find the funny in a situation, because sometimes it's just not there.

The day started out innocently enough. I was, in fact, lulled into a false sense of security as I walked into my bedroom and found Jay making MY bed WITHOUT BEING ASKED TO DO SO. Then I walked into the kitchen and found Annie fixing Jane her milk WITHOUT BEING ASKED TO DO SO. Who trained these children?? And just for the record, I do not normally have the children doing my household chores. Although, now that I think of it, maybe I SHOULD. It would be good payment for that whole Mortifying Factor that I deal with from time to time.

Jane and I dropped the big kids off to school and then headed to a PTA meeting. Jane actually listened to me as I told her she could not have more candy out of the candy bucket in the PTA meeting. Jamie and I have really been cracking down on her about her whining, as well as listening when we say no. She is getting better and better, but the "two" still rears it's ugly head often. This is when I repeat "Children are a blessing. Children are a blessing. Children are a blessing." But TODAY, I did not have to repeat that mantra because apart from one distressed cry, she did not argue over the candy issue. "I am rocking this mom thing," I thought to myself.

See...they lull you into that false sense of security so you'll let your guard down.

After the meeting, we met some friends at McDonalds, as is our normal monthly routine after meetings. As we pulled into the parking lot, Jane yelled, "YAY!!! Donalds!!!" She likes to give me an extra dose of "cute" before lowering the boom. We ordered our food and went to play on the playground.

Here is where a little backstory is needed. The friends we meet at McDonalds are good friends. Actually, scratch that. They are GREAT friends. And thankfully, after today, FORGIVING friends. Our kids have been playing together forever and Jane looks at them as siblings. She has a love/hate relationship with her one friend who I will call "Sweet Baby Boy" for this particular post. And he IS a Sweet Baby Boy. He cuddles with me and loves on me and calls ME "Jane". I love that boy. He and Jane also knock the tar out of each other on a regular basis though. They also hug a lot. So, we have hope for them yet.

So, the kids are playing and I am getting into the groove of hanging out with the mommies and catching up on some time with them when the SCREAMING starts. It is coming from Sweet Baby Boy and Jane is standing right next to him. That can't be good. His mother goes to him and discovers that JANE HAS BITTEN HIM.

*Jane's mother hangs her head in shame.*

My BABY bit another baby. Hard. Hard enough to leave a mark and what may have possibly turned into a bruise. Oh. My. Word. The shame. The embarrassment.

I snatched her up and spanked her fanny. Many times And fussed at her. VERY VERY LOUDLY. (This would also be called "yelling" but it is harder to write "And I yelled at her" for some reason without sounding like a Terrible Mother.) And in all the commotion the McDonalds play area FELL SILENT. All of the children stopped what they were doing to watch me spank my child. All the PARENTS fell silent to watch me spank my child. And I promise, this was not my imagination. IT WAS SILENT in there for a good 10 seconds as I unleashed my wrath upon my wayward child.

And then all the parents and all the children watched me as I packed up my bags to get the heck out of there. To punish Jane and also so that the tears of embarrassment would not fall while I was actually IN McDonalds. Jane gave Sweet Baby Boy a hug and then we began our Walk of Shame out of the restaurant. She trailed behind me sniffling and looking forlorn. But I was too mad and too embarrassed to care much.

Because ya' CHILD BIT SOMEONE. ON PURPOSE. With the intent of biting and leaving teeth marks on said person. In order to HURT them.

I know I am not raising a serial killer and that kids do this kind of thing from time to time, it's age appropriate and blah blah blah. But REALLY. Really, really, really. It is hard to swallow your pride and watch your child purposely do something like that to another child. Because somehow, as a mother, you feel as if you are to blame. It's that whole, "Where did I go wrong?" thing.

It's funny how our children's actions have such an effect on us. Because I have relived that moment over and over today. And I still feel just as bad about it as I did then. As if *I* somehow can control the choices that Jane makes. Boy, wouldn't THAT make life easier.

So, anyway, we went home. Jane was QUIET all the way there. She didn't ask for her blanket or her cup or anything else that she normally asks for in the car. Just her sniffles from the backseat occasionally. She knew I was TICKED. When we got home she went straight to time out and stayed there while I stewed and loaded the dishwasher. And stewed some more.

When I got her out of time out, I knelt down on her level and talked to her about the biting. But she's two, so who knows if what I said really made an impression. She was still upset and cried for a while. I was still upset and cried a bit too. Jamie called and asked if we wanted to meet him for lunch. And as we loaded up in the car, Jane looked at me and said, "I bite." Only, she said Sweet Baby Boy's name at the end of that sentence. I looked at her and said, "You DID bite and that was wrong. You got a spanking and had to leave your friends. Are you going to do that again?"

She told me no.

We'll see.

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